Better

Although still not 100%. I'm sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office waiting to be seen. It's funny. Somehow I always seems to have a complete and total melt down the day before I have this appointment. Every month, like clockwork. Now, I had forgotten about this appointment until about 2 hours ago so I don't think the two are related. Just a coincidence perhaps. I've had a really, really rough week and it seems a lot of other people are having horrible weeks as well which is odd. Almost like the universe is out of balance or something cosmic-y is going on. A friend of mine from work has been in and out of the hospital the past week with her father in law who keeps falling and breaking his hip. This last time the doctor has decided he is not going to operate so we have to hope and pray it heals on its own.


It made me start thinking about my soon to be father in law, who passed away in September. It breaks my heart that he won't be at our wedding. Some days I almost get mad at him for not taking care of himself so he could be there. When we were going through all of the paperwork after he passed we ran across a physical he had gotten from a doctor that had recommended a trip to the doctor asap. It was from 4 years ago. We wonder if he kind of knew his end was near...


This of course makes me think of my own father and what I am going to do when his time comes. I worry that he won't make it to see his grandkids grow up, kind of like my aunt and uncle on his side didn't get to see their grandkids grow up. I guess that is one disadvantage to having children later in life.


Hubs wants to have children right away, however, I want to wait a year or so. He's already been married once and has a child with his ex-wife. I sometimes feel like I'm being short changed because he's already been there done that. Whereas I want to get married and bask in the married-ness and travel etc etc he wants to jump right into having kids. I guess I should just be thankful he even wants children.


Trying to keep my head above water this week which has been extremely difficult. Too much stress along with not enough sleep is apparently making me an unbearable person to live with. Hopefully after my melt down last night things will only start to look up! Headed in to see the doc now! :0) <3